You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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