It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
