isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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