Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
