The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
