So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
