I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
