I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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