Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
