idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
