Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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