So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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