You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
