so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
