i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
