on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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