Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
