Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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