is your mom at the bar?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
