so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
