so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
