MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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