the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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