I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
