i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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