i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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