apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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