Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize