If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
