I'm so fucking centered right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
