i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
