question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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