Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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