This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
