it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
