she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize