Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
