I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
