so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
