It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
