Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
