She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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