sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
