She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
