Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
