Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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