I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
