We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
