I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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