Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
