it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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