but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
