Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ttyl tear gas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
