tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
