Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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