Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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