Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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