i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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