Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did i walk over a car last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
