Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
