were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
