Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
